Bold

-You are beautiful!-
They say.
And I smile,
because I know;
know that is the best thing I can be.

I need to please people
with what they can see.
Otherwise,
I wither away with no company.

I can breathe.
That’s the best thing for me.
Even when the air is filled with smoke,
and I struggle not to choke,
I can breathe.

The rest of my life
is a joke.

I hate myself.
All that I am.
But if I keep smiling,
no one will know!
As long as I never let the suffering show,
it’s never really real.
So long as it never extends
beyond what I feel.

Feelings are not thoughts.
They are magical.
Elusive.
Not rooted in reality.

Feelings are a mystery.
They come and go
unpredictably.

So just kiss them away.
Rock them away.
Don’t worry that they might
emerge again,
another day.
For now,
silence.

The fortune cookie said:
-Stay beautiful-
Sage advice.
I have to fix the crows feet near my eyes.
I have to find away to erase my laugh lines.
I have to walk straighter.
I have to talk less.
To never let the stress get the best of me.

I have to make it look like I am alive,
but never lived.

-At least you’re beautiful.-
They say.
And I smile,
because I know.

That is the best thing I can be.

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