Here’s to Hoping

I feel alive when I’m in your arms. At least I think I will, when I find you. I’ve got these crazy notions stirring around in my brain, things like someone can save me, aside from myself, and that my smile won’t be real so long as I’m alone. I bite my tongue thinking of stuff like this. I know it’s not right to put all your weight on someone else, to expect them to carry you on their backs, and that you always end up being dragged, and facing a mirror with stained eyes and bloody thighs when all is said and done.

So just make it stop. Make all the senseless thoughts fade away. Put the energy into something else, something real.


If only it were that easy. 

It’s like living in a bubble you can’t pop. Seeing all the answers around you but you’re unable to reach them. Stuck inside with all the bad thoughts you can think of. Trying to claw your way out, but you grow tired. And then, you see at the very top a way out of the bubble. A door that sticks out so clearly you wonder how you missed it. It’s right there, but you’re too burnt out to reach it.

You know what’s best for you, but you don’t know why. And is it really best? How can you get those bad thoughts out of your head? Why can’t you just feel happy enough with yourself, enough to be satisfied without falling in love?

And if everyone else goes through this hell, why does no one know how to help? Your guess is as good as mine. But I think we want to erase those memories, the memories of the times we were overcome by ourselves. The times where you’re waiting for a hero because you’re too weak to stand on your own feet, and too strong to accept any advice.

Least you think it’s strength.

You know time will make it all better. 

Time moves so fast, and it forgets you. And you forget yourself.

The impatience will evaporate some day. 

At least I hope. 




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