I Wish I Knew

What can I say? Would you like to hear you were right all along? I’m all too familiar with the bittersweet feeling, knowing you are right but wishing, with all that you are, you were wrong.

You were right all along.

I’m incapable of change. I’m walking around in a disguise to earn the self-respect I can’t conventionally acquire.
And with all those things I’ve done, sometimes I wonder if I’m still human.

But I know that I am.
Menschliches, Allzumenschliches.

Sometimes I’m angry. I’m angry because I know that if I can’t forgive myself, neither can anyone else. Do you know why I, and you, and anyone else, can’t forgive themselves? We’re not sorry. Some fragment of us believes we are justified in every stupid action we make.
And maybe, maybe we are justified.

Some people will condemn you, and equally competent, or incompetent, people will excuse you. Narrow minds fail to see how you could ever behave in such an atypical manner, broad minds will condemn only those who advocate condemnation. Such blurred and tangled lines, makes it hard to figure which perspective is more practical in this impractical world.

I can say, you were right all along. But so was I. There is no clear wrong here. You can’t feel or be moved by the same forces that drove me to the brink and bottom of insanity.

You must find your own.


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