The Way Some Things End

I can’t get your eyes out of my mind, or your smile.  I’ve tried. Trust me. I keep wishing I had said the right thing, done the right thing. I keep beating myself up, wondering how things could have been.

But I know. I know that I could be the right girl, at the wrong time. Like I’m at 7/11, and I’m buying a lottery ticket. I’m second in line. Which is fine. But later that night, quarter to nine, the winning number is one number off mine.

Sometimes things don’t work out. You can’t keep all the air you inhale in your lungs. You gotta let it out. You gotta let it be free, so it can sustain someone else’s life.

And you, I had to let you go. And I know that it’s killing us both for now.  I know it doesn’t make too much sense. And trust me, for awhile, I was on the fence. I set up a court room in my head. I played the prosecution,  I played the defense, and I observed from the bench. And you’re free to go. And so am I. So am I.

And I’m free to cry, and scream, and pull my hair. I’m free to bite my tongue, to try to act like I don’t care, to whine and think, just for a little while, that nothing in life is fair. And no one, to you, can compare. But just for a little while.

Then I gotta remind myself, you were never, ever mine. And that I have to find someone I can inspire. And that if we both fell in love, then one of us would be a liar, and the psuedolove would tire, and the fire would cool. It would cool. And we’d be fools.  We’d be fools…

I knew you well because I know myself. I know you aren’t like anyone else. I know you have been crushed in the past, that I couldn’t justly expect you to move on so fast. Don’t think for a moment I did this only for myself. I could see the road ahead.

Please keep your heart safe in your chest. Please settle for nothing but the most beautiful, and the best. Please find a girl whose smile lights not the room but the world. One who takes life in her hands and creates a storm. One whose heart is not torn.

I never wanted this. I never wanted a kiss like yours.  But you introduced me a new world to explore. I thank you for this,  and much more.

I leave you with these words, as they are the most genuine words I know. The brightness you possess will soon show, and you will make the world a better place, and I will silently boast, I once felt the coolest man’s warm embrace.


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